Wizard in Wonderland
by DarkKnyte
Summary: Wizard and P.I. Harry Dresden is after a white rabbit-like kidnapper. After a chase Harry finds himself falling through a hole and winds up in a new, mad world. A world, that's at war. Can Harry make it home, without becoming "Mad as a Hatter"?
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so let me fill you in on what's happening.

There's been a rash of kidnappings in town lately. And at ever single case, there's been some strange evidence. Strange enough that SI called me in. Want to know what? Of course you do. Rabbit foot prints, rabbit-like fur, and to top it off carrots. Yeah, I know.

Want to know what I think? Rabbit demon. Don't look at me like that. It can happen. And I can prove it; I'm chasing him down right now.

I caught up to him when he was about to abduct another victim. The demon is a knee-high little white son of a biscuit. And he _bites_! Thankfully its winter; I had my leather duster. Its defensive spells prevented the bite from breaking any skin. But it still hurt.

He ducks into an alley and I follow. Then he opens what can only be describe as a hole in and goes to jump into it. And I jump after him. In retrospect it wasn't the brightest idea. I tried to get to him before he got to the hole. But when I hit him, our combined momentum threw us both into the hole.

We fell through a vortex of swirling colors, and very random pictures such as flamingoes, jam jars, bunny rabbits, and of all things a dodo. Just as I think I'm losing it, I hit the ground. Hard.

I wake up in a hallway with doors everywhere. And I mean everywhere; the floor, the ceiling, heck even the _windows_ are doors. And for some reason there was a curtain in the middle of the right wall. So, I get up check and make sure I'm ok. Thankfully nothing is broken. Then I check my equipment. Everything's still there minus my staff, but I didn't have it in the first place. Then I stroll over to the curtain and I pull it aside.

And what do I see? What else, a door. Only this one's different. It has a keyhole. This time I decide to be cautious and peek through the keyhole. And I see an ocean. Ok, that's only a little weird. I try to open the door when all of the sudden, the doorknob talks!

"OW! What are you doing?" the door said in a very thick British accent.

"Um… trying to get through?" I try.

"That's not how you get through! That's what the bottle's for!" the door said.

"What--" I start but don't bother to finish.

I then turn around and I see a table with a single bottle on it. Oh and there's a note on it. It reads, "Drink me." Yeah, like I'm really going to.

"Ok look, I don't have time for this. Just open up," I said.

"Now you're sounding like that annoying white rabbit," the door said.

White rabbit, hallway with doors, a talking doorknob, my heads starting to hurt now. And if I didn't know better…

"I don't have time to play with you!" I said through clenched teeth. "Open up!"

"I cannot without--" the door started out.

But I didn't listen, instead I whip out my blasting rod and cried out _Fuego. _In a flash the door is gone. Good riddance, he was annoying. When the smoke clears I can see outside. And the ocean is gone. It's replaced with a glassy field and a white castle in the distance.

It's one of those days…


	2. Chapter 2

I started heading away from the hall of doors toward the castle. And according to the sun, it was around noon. I'd check my watch, but as a wizard I can't carry one. It's not some wizard vendetta against watches, but my magic shorts out most kinds of technology. The sun is very bright; where ever I am must not have any smog.

I walk maybe twenty feet away from the hall when I heard what sounds like a horse running towards me. I look over my shoulder at the direction where the sound is coming from and I see an honest to goodness horse with a guy on it. As he gets closer I can make out more of his appearance. And I wish I couldn't.

The rider is wearing white body armor that's spread sparsely on his athletic build. He has tons of throwing knives all over his body and a freaking ninja star the size of a dinner plate on his back. And on his hip he has what looks like a boomerang. And to top it all off, a hat. But not just any hat, oh no, a white top hat with a black ribbon going around it. And as he gets closer I see a tag sticking out of the ribbon. It reads, 10/6. Well if that isn't a dead give away.

"Hello stranger," the rider says when he's close enough. "How are you this fine and wonderful day?"

"Oh can't complain," I say biting down a sarcastic comment.

"Say, did you see the explosion?" the rider asked.

"What explosion?" I say innocently.

"Why, the explosion at the hall of doors, of course." the rider said eying me. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"What gave it away?" I reply.

In a heartbeat the rider draws the dinner plat-- I mean the ninja star and points a point in my direction.

"And just who are you, then?" the rider asks.

"Who me? Um," I say while trying to think of a good answer. "I'm Wizard Dresden of the White Council."

"Ooohh!" the rider says as he puts the plate away.

And then he does something down right disturbing. He turns his head all the way around. And when his face is looking at me, the fair skin of the rider is replaced by the palest white I've ever seen. And to complete the transformation he's sporting a huge grin.

"Why didn't you just say so silly?" the rider asks as he sways in his saddle. "We could've avoided this mess. Please proceed to the castle. There is a meeting of the White Council."

"Oh, I'll be there, don't worry," I say with my best smile.

Then the riders head snaps back, normal skin and all. Then he gallops away.

So, the White Council is here? Weird. Well I guess its time to go to the castle. My answers might just be there.

So I start walking again. Maybe I should have asked my mad friend to give me a ride. You know, its times like this where I really miss the Blue Beetle. My old VW Beetle isn't really blue anymore. It's more like rainbow colored, but its one of the few pieces of technology that doesn't short out around me.

After what seems like a couple hours I come across a black forest. I could have sworn that from the hall, the way to the castle didn't include a forest. Then again, I saw an ocean when I looked through the key hole. You know, I'm starting to feel bad about blowing open the door. Oh well, if I'm where I think I'm at, it'll be fine.

Just as I'm about to go and see if I can make it around the forest, I see a familiar face. The White Rabbit Demon. I go into the forest after the Rabbit. He starts to run for it, but I activate the silver ring I wear on my hand. It releases an invisible blast of kinetic energy straight toward the Rabbit. It hits him dead center and it knock him out. I go to his unconscious body and poke him with my blasting rod to make sure he's really out.

After poking him enough to be satisfied, I pick him up by the scruff of his neck.

"Hey, what are you doing with my little buddy?" Someone behind me asks.

I turn and see a man that's dressed in red armor, he's also wearing a bowler hat. You know, I've always wondered why they're called that…

"Put him down right now!!" yelled the man. "If not…." he finished as he pulled a bomb that was too big to fit in his little hat.

"I--" I started.

But he doesn't wait for me. He chucks the bomb at me. Or tries too. It turns out he's not strong enough to throw that big bomb at lands a foot away from him. He screams and jumps towards the bomb. He takes his hat off in midair and covers the bomb. And it actually fits.

"Oh, Dodo, can't you do anything right?" a joyful voice says.

"Its not my fault!" the Dodo says.

"It never is, is it?"

Then right in between the Dodo and me, a figure starts to appear. After a second the figure is fully there. It's a cat that's about as big as the Rabbit. But he's decked out in body armor, with a rapier on his side.

"Take the Rabbit home," the cat says.

"How can I?" the Dodo asked.

Then the cat sighs and snaps his fingers. Then, before I can figure out what happened, the Rabbit ends up in the Dodo's arms.

"Go!" the cat snaps. "Sorry about him. The Dodo is not the brightest of the bunch."

"And who are you?" I ask. "Puss in Armor? Sir Purralot?"

"Me?" the cat asked with a smile that literally stretches from ear to ear. "Why I'm the Cheshire Cat. And who are you?"

"Wizard Dresden of the White Council," I say. Hey if it worked once.

Then the cats smile gets even bigger.

"Wizard… Dresden," he says.

And then, I swear, the Cat's smile gets bigger. Then he starts walking away from me, deeper into the forest. Then he looks at me. And I don't mean over his shoulder. I mean physically lifts his head and turns in around to look at me.

"Curiouser and curiouser," the cat says as he vanishes.

I stood there a little dumbfounded for a couple seconds. I rubbed my neck, and started off for the castle again.

When I make it to the castle it's almost nightfall. Surrounding the castle was a huge town, and surrounding the town are huge walls. And of course with my luck, the gates to the town are closed. I'm going to bang on the doors when I here something behind me. I'm in no mood to deal with anything else today. But I turn around anyway. And I'm honestly shocked at what I see.

It's a human like figure, but something's off. Maybe it's the fact that it's walking on all fours… oh and it has no head. Instead it's face on its chest, all five eyes, and giant gapping mouth of it. Speaking of its chest, this things has T-rex like arms hanging from it. The thing is all purple and as it approaches me, I see how huge it is. This thing is twenty feet easy.

I go for my blasting rod, but before I can reach it, the ground starts to shake. And out of no where, two giant knights in full body armor designed to look like a horse come running at the thing. They both ram into it at the same time and the Purple People Eater turns into jelly. No I mean it. It just turns into jelly. Or… Is that jam?

The knights look at me and ask, "Who are you?"

I answer the same way I've done twice before.

The knights lurch back and then one of them touches his horsed-head shaped helmet and presses a button. Then the helmet collapses down into his armor.

"Come with us, the meeting has already begun," the knight says.

This day just keeps getting better. But instead of arguing with a giant knight, I follow. Maybe I can finally get some answers.

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**So.. what do you think? Hope you like it! R&R please! So...no go read Titans Next by TwyRyse56.....Cuz I'm co-writing that too.**


	3. Chapter 3

The knights took me into the gates. On the other side was a town that surrounded the castle. As I walked through, I attracted more than a few looks. I'm guessing my modern clothes are very odd to the townspeople. The knights continue to guide me into the castle. The interior of the castle is a stunning white. Everything from the floor, to the ceiling and everything in between is white. It's enough to start to give me a headache.

The knights guide me to two very large doors. And of course they're white. They open the door and announce me. Then they leave and I'm left to fend for myself. The room I'm in is a large conference room. There's a big table with a bunch of people sitting around it. And at the side opposite of me, sits a gorgeous woman dressed in white, her skin is so white that it almost shines.

"Um, hiya guys," I say lamely.

"Wizard," the woman says as she stands. "Let us talk in private."

The woman starts walking and I follow. She walks toward another door in the room and when she gets close it opens for her. I follow her into the next room.

"You are not from around here are you?" She said.

"How could you tell?" I asked.

"I can tell, oyster." She said to me.

"Whatever floats your boat lady." I said.

"An oyster is a visitor from your world to ours," she said.

"And your world is?" I ask.

"Wonderland." the woman says.

Aha, I knew it.

"And you are?" I ask.

"And I am the White Queen." she says. "Ruler of the White Kingdom. How did you it make to our world?"

"Like everyone else. I was chasing a white rabbit."

"White rabbit… an agent of the Red Court," the Queen says.

"Red Court?"

"Yes, our opposing kingdom."

"Opposing? Like a war?" I ask with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes. We are a world at war. Allow me to explain," the Queen said. "Years ago we had another visitor from your world. Her name was Alice."

Well, that was kind of surprising.

"Are you surprised?" the Queen asks with a sly smile. "She was very real. And when she was in Wonderland, she brought down the House of Cards, then the ruling body in Wonderland. After that, Wonderland was a mess. No order anywhere. Then again, under the House, there wasn't too much order to begin with. It was then when the White Kingdom was established. And for a millennium we've had nothing but peace. Until the plague arrived. The accursed disease ravaged throughout all of the land, claiming more than 500 lives."

The Queen stops to catch her breath. And then I see a tear fall from her eyes. I reach into my coat's pocket and dig out a Kleenex and hand it to the Queen. Say what you want, but chivalry isn't dead yet. She takes it with a smile. Why can't Murphy be more like that?

"Thank you," the Queen says while dabbing her eyes. Then she continues. "I am sorry. It was in the plague that I lost my husband. In any case, then the Red Court appeared. Formed from the remnant of the House of Cards, the Red Court has one thing in mind: Take back Wonderland. And we've been at war ever since."

"And I'm going to guess that since you suffered though the plague, you're no where near fighting capacity," I say.

"Yes, wizard," the Queen says.

"And now you're going to ask for my help. And you're also going to say that you won't send me home unless I do," I say as I fold my arms.

"Quiet the reverse, you are free to go. The Looking Glass was damaged during the war, but it can still send you home," The Queen said. "I'm not about to drag you into a war you do not want to fight."

I tilt my head and look at the White Queen.

"However," she says.

There it is. The catch.

"If you do not help, we have a real possibility to lose this war. And if we lose, the Red Court will gain the Looking Glass,"

"And what's to stop them from coming to my world," I finish for her.

"Quiet,"

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll help. What do you need?"

"What I need, can wait for tomorrow; the hour is late. And Wonderland is dangerous during the night," the Queen said. "My servants will show you to your quarters."

And just like that a mouse appeared beside me.

"If you please, sir wizard," the mouse said.

The mouse leads me throughout the maze-like corridors of the castle. You know, I'm pretty darn sure it wasn't this big from the outside. Why must places in Wonderland be bigger than what they seem? It's like a constant here. That and people doing some down right disturbing things with their heads…

When I wake the next morning, I find the mouse staring at me. Creepy.

"Um…. Good morning?" I said to the mouse.

"Good morning sir wizard." he said still watching me. "When you are ready, I will take you to the Queen. Please feel free to use the wash room."

"Um, thanks mister Mouse," I say.

"Doormouse, please."

And then he leaves. I get up and get ready, then I exit the room, and the mouse leads me to the Queen.

"Good morning Wizard Dresden," the Queen says when I walk into the room. "I hoped you slept well."

"I did, thank you," I say politely. I decide not to tell her about the creepy wake up call.

"Now then, I need you to visit the Caterpillar, he is our most trusted advisor," the Queen says.

"The Caterpillar? Where does he live? In an apple?" I asked.

"No, the Valley of the Mushrooms," the Queen says without a trace of sarcasm.

"Oh…okay and how do I get there?" I ask.

"I will have an escort go with you. It is safer that way," the Queen says. "Ah, and there she is now."

I turn and see my mad friend and a young woman walk into the throne room.

"Wizard, meet the Hatter and my daughter, Alice," the Queen said. "She will be your escort."

"Alice," I said skeptically.

"I'm named after the Alice of old," Alice said.

"Really?" I say.

"You have fought vampires, werewolves, the undead, and faeries, and yet you still doubt that Alice was real?" the Hatter said.

"How did you know all that?" I quipped.

The Hatter's head spun around and he shrugged.

"Just a guess," he said.

"Are you done?" Alice asked. "Let's go."

I followed Alice out of the castle and into some stables.

"Gryphons," I mutter.

"The fastest way to travel," Alice said. "Come on, let's stop wasting time and go."

"Gee, aren't you a ray of sunshine?" I ask.

Alice didn't bother to answer; instead she busied herself in getting the Gryphon ready.

"Hop on," she said when everything was in place.

I jumped on and as soon as I did the Gryphon leapt into the air.

"Couldn't you have gone sooner?" I asked, my sentence dripping in sarcasm.

Again she didn't answer. This is going to be a fun little adventure. We fly over the black forest. Then, without warning the Gryphon jerks sideways.

"Hey, what was that for?" I ask.

"Razor Cards!" Alice yells.

"What in the name of g--" I started.

"Shut up and hold on!" Alice shouts back.

And then I see it, and giant me-sized playing card whizzing by my head.

"You got to kidding me!" I shout. "Giant playing cards?"

"Don't knock 'em," Alice says. "They can rip right through you if they hit!"

"Go down! We're an easy target up here!" I say.

"I know!" Alice spat.

"Then DO it!" I snapped.

We finally start to head down, and I can finally start to breathe again. That is, until I see a card flying right at us. I shake out my shield bracelet, which I wear on my left wrist. Then with a little of my will, the shield snaps to life… a second before the card hits it.

"Oh yeah!" I shout in victory and pump my fists in the air.

We land in the forest and Alice sends the Gryphon away.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"The Reds will be waiting for us to fly again. We go the rest on foot," Alice says.

"Stupid Commies," I say.

"What?" Alice asks.

"Never mind, come on. I'm guessing we have a long walk ahead of us," I say with enthusiasm.

"Yes we do. Now let's go," Alice says not picking up on my sarcasm. I must be slipping.

We walk the rest of the walk in silence. Or until Alice speaks up.

"Why do you have a wand?" Alice asks out of the blue.

"I-Its not a wand! It's a blasting rod!" I stammer.

"If you say so. And what's with the coat?" she asks skeptically.

"My _duster_ is very fashionable where I come from! And besides that, it's covered in protective spells. Heck I could probably stop a bullet with it!" I say in defense of my coat.

"What's a bullet?" Alice asks.

"Never mind. Just keep walking," I sigh.

"You don't seem like a wizard at all," Alice said giving me a look.

"Well you don't seem like a princess," I say as I stick out my tongue. "What do you want, a long pointy hat and a huge robe?"

"Well…" Alice starts.

I shut my mouth and we keep walking. We finally hit Mushroom Valley.

"Great. Now where?" I say.

"Wait for it…" Alice says.

I turn to look at her, and then turn back. And when I do, I find myself face-to-face with a strange hybrid faces that makes human and caterpillar. The rest of his body is very much a caterpillar; expect that half of his legs are arms with hands and everything. He's sitting on a giant mushroom and right next to him is a hookah. I don't think I've ever seen one in real life. He looks at me and takes a big puff of his hookah.

"Who are you?" he asks. And I swear the letters W, R, and U come out of his mouth as smoke.

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**Ok, so what do you think? Don't forget to review. And check out TwyRyse56's other fics, k? So...yeah**


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you so dumb that you cannot understand a simple request?" the Caterpillar asked me. "RECITE!"

I look over to Alice for help, but all she offered was a shrug. Nice kid. I sighed, and shook my head.

"Fine, fine I'll 'recite' for you," I said. "Ready?"

"Of course, idiot," the Caterpillar said.

"Okay, 'Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece--" I started.

"Nonononononononono!!!!!" he screamed. Then he lurched back on his mushroom.

Since he's not in my face, I can better see my surroundings. And my, oh my, are there mushrooms. There're red one, blue ones, ones that'll give you a 1up. And I can see the Caterpillar better too. He's about twenty feet tall, and all blue. About half of his limbs are arms, and the other half are legs.

"Your friend has quiet the attitude problem, your Highness," the Caterpillar finally said.

"Oh stop, you're making me blush," I said. "Come on, let's get down to business."

"Very well, what do you need?" the Caterpillar asked.

I looked over at Alice and gave her an annoyed look. Then I turned to the Caterpillar and said, "A way to end the war, what else?"

"Why would an oyster, like you, care about our war?" the Caterpillar asked as he once _again_ got in my face.

"What does it matter? I'm trying to help you!" I snapped. "And don't you dare try to respond to that because I am two freaking seconds from blasting you into slimy little pieces! Just like that stupid door!"

And to show him I mean business, I yanked my blasting rod from its holster and force enough of my will into it to make the tip glow.

"What is a wand going to--" was all the Caterpillar managed to get out before I blast a huge chunk of his 'shroom away.

"Now tell me whatever it is you need to tell me!" I yelled.

For a second, it almost seemed like he's wasn't going to answer. Then he sighed, shrugged and began talking.

"You must seek help from the Lion and the Unicorn and the King Jabberwocky," the Caterpillar said and after, Alice gasps to my right.

"The guardians of Wonderland exist?" Alice asked looking up at the Caterpillar.

"Of course they exist. I suggest that you retake history your Highness," the Caterpillar said returning to smoke from his hookah. Then when he exhaled a book formed out of the smoke.

"Where are they?" I asked.

The Caterpillar shook his head and gave me an annoyed look.

"Research. I grow tired of this," the Caterpillar said waving his hands. "Go. And before you ask, you Highness, yes you may take some mushrooms. But you must choose for yourself. I will not aid you."

Then the Caterpillar pointed Alice to a closed off mushroom patch, where red mushrooms of different sizes grew. She bent down and with a nervously shaking hand reached for one, but after I saw which I ran over to her and slapped it out of her hand. She jumped when I did, and looked up at me and gave me a sour look.

"Pick the bright red one, not the dark red," I said with a leveled voice.

"How would you know?" Alice snapped

"I learned from a plumber named Mario," I said smugly.

Alice looked like she's about to fight me, but I shot her down with a look. She shook her head, and reached for the bright red one. She grabbed two of them and we're off. We turned back to say our goodbyes to the Caterpillar, but he's not there. Oh well. I'm happy to be away from the Caterpillar, but not so hot about the idea of walking all the way back to the castle. Especially through the Black Forest. The trees, the grass and even the flowers are all black. Everything feels alive and malicious here. It almost seems like everything is alive here. And ready to eat you. I heard Alice clear her throat like she's about to start talking, so I looked over to her.

"You blasted the door…?"

"Well, it was in my way…" I said.

"THAT'S what a door is for!" Alice pointed out.

"Hey, I had just fallen down a 'rabbit hole', after chasing a stupid rabbit-biting thing and then the first thing I meet is an annoying talking door!" I countered.

We argued about the door for awhile, until we came to a clearing in the forest. Alice stops for a second, and looks around as if she's heard something. Then she got up, and beckoned me to follow her. Ah, she was getting her bearings down. Maybe she's not so dumb after all. We walked in glorious silence until something caught my eye, I turned to see what and I stop dead in my tracks. It's a… herd of Purple People Eaters.

"Alice, I think we have a problem," I said quietly.

"What?" Alice replied still walking.

"We have Purple People Eaters here. And a lot of them," I said.

"What's a Purple People Eater?" Alice asked while she turns to see what I was talking about. "Harry."

"Yeah?"

"Run!"

We bolted in the opposite direction of the Eaters, and of course it caught their attention. So there we were, running through an evil forest from a pack of purple jelly things.

"Why are we running from the Purple People Eaters?" I ask Alice as we ran for our lives.

"Those aren't Purplepopler, Plurple Pleople… oh forget it. Those are Jabjoobs!" Alice answers.

"What?" I said biting down a chuckle.

"Shut up and keep running!" Alice snapped at me.

We ran until we fell. Oh, we didn't trip or anything. We fell down a cliff. Thankfully it wasn't very high, only about ten feet. We hit the ground running and when we got a good distance away I turned around and aimed my blasting rod at the cliff. I aimed for the top and shouted, "_Fuego!_"

A wrist-size stream of fire hit the dirt at the top and made a nice sized cloud of dust that hid our escape. We continued running until we get to a small stream. We stopped to finally rest and get some water.

"You run pretty well for a wizard," Alice remarked.

"Hey, I run every day," I panted. "That way, when I have to run for my life, I'm ready!"

Alice actually laughed and she lied down near the stream. I looked around and see that we're in a small clearing, everything is still black (minus the water thank goodness) but the sun is shining. It seemed so peaceful. But of course, it doesn't last.

"Alice," I whispered.

She looked at me and I gestured over to our left. She got up and looked over to where I indicated. She's startled at first, and I can't blame her. Over to the left is a brown cloaked figure. The hood is up and his head is down so we can't see his face.

"Jester?" Alice asked after awhile. "What are you doing here?"

"Alice?" I asked her keeping my eyes on our guest.

"No, no he's a friend,"

"I don't think so," I whispered.

Then Jester raised his head to look at us. When his head rose, fear hit me like a bullet, for, despite the distance and the darkness of the hood, his dark blue eyes where as visible as they could be and that formed an icy pit in my stomach. And then things got worse; he smiled. I know what you're thinking, "What's bad about a smile?" Well, it's bad when you can see his teeth when he did. Yes, his yellow, sharp, and crooked teeth were also visible. Great, ain't it? Then the Jester raised both arms and threw his cloak back, reviling red armor underneath the cloak.

When Alice saw, her eyes got three times bigger than normal, and her lips curled into a snarl.

"Traitor," she spat.

Then the Jester placed his hands in front of him and made a circle with his fingers. Then, a small pint-sized blue orb appeared in the middle and it started to grow. Finally, it grew enough to reach his hands, and then with a grunt he removed his left hand, grabbed it with his right and pointed it at us. Then, about eight tentacles emerged from the orb and slowly started to make their way towards us. They moved so slow it was almost seemed like a dream. With their speed it was hard to take them as a serious threat.

That is, until one of them hit a tree.

When one of those tentacles hit a tree, it slowly froze the tree solid, and when it was done the tentacle came out the other side and continued towards us.

Well, this can't be too hard, I whipped out my blasting rod, aimed at the orb the Jester was holding and let lose a whip of fire. But as soon as it got close to the orb, the tentacles kicked it into lightspeed and intercepted my attack. They hit my fire whip and extinguished it.

Crap…

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**So what do you think? :D Don't forget to review...k? And check out my other fic with TwyRyse56, Titans Next.**


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